On Gratitude

In our age of connectedness, it’s never been easier to compare ourselves to others. It’s something we’ve been doing for tens of thousands of years. We’re programmed to run in packs and define ourselves in hierarchies. 50,000 years ago, if we didn’t assume our position in the tribe, we were banished towards our demise. So our ancestors put their heads down and did what they had to do to be accepted. The stakes couldn’t have been higher – survival depended on it. Today, there’s a much lower chance that we’ll be eaten by wolves, but our desire for acceptance prevails.

“Gee, if only I could be like that cool dude on Instagram with the shiny sports car, a fat stack of cash, and a hot babe, I’d have everlasting happiness.”

That might sound kinda sweet, but while I sure as hell haven’t “figured it all out,” I do know that we will never be truly content as individuals by looking outward. “Comparison is the thief of joy,” says Rich Roll. We each have to find our own answers within.

There’s this idea called “The Arrival Fallacy” – if we reach our destination, then we’ll have the everlasting happiness that we so desperately seek. It’s a fallacy for a reason – it’s false. As I’ve mentioned before, if we’re constantly chasing something that we hope arrives in the future, we’re just postponing fulfillment to a time that never arrives.

Of course, everyone should strive to grow and improve in service of a better tomorrow. But we can’t forget how lucky we are simply to be alive today. My lovely Aunt Barbara told me recently that “It’s not human doing, it’s human being.” BOOM.

It’s not human doing, it’s human being. (s/o Auntie Barbara).

Practicing gratitude is a gentle reminder that every single day is a gift and that sometimes it’s o.k. to just simply exist. We are souls suspended in a bag of meat, on a floating, spinning rock, in the middle of an endless universe. What a freaking miracle! I usually start by remembering that, then the little things follow. I’ll commemorate them with a jot in a journal or tell other people about them. No matter how they’re recognized, it helps me to find joy in the normal and to remember all of the reasons to enjoy the ride.

Here are some of my other recent notes on gratitude:

• A walk. For me, there are two different kinds – with and without technology. I’ll take my phone with me when I want to be connected, taking in the thoughts of others from a podcast, jamming to some tunes, or taking Spanish lessons. I’ll leave my phone behind when I feel like I need to clear my head or I want to be present with the people and places that I love. My girlfriend’s parents live next to a beautiful park and there’s also a nice one down the street from my parents. Green space is a blessing, and so is the opportunity to soak in the fresh air on foot. Not everyone can.
• Peanut butter. Au natural, just peanuts and salt. Teddie’s is the undisputed GOAT.
• Rekindled friendships. There’s nothing like hanging out with a friend that you haven’t seen in a long time and feeling like you never skipped a beat. I’ve had a couple of these recent encounters – kids I grew up with, teachers I now call friends. Each one has been unique and fulfilling. Kinda feels like a relationship where everyone gets the most bang for the buck – it’s easy. You enjoy the juice of life together without having to squeeze as hard as you do with other relationships and commitments.
• My amazing girlfriend. She’s always up for an adventure, often with some spontaneity sprinkled on top. She’s the best and most thoughtful friend (and gift-giver) I know. She was understanding and encouraged my recent solo travels in a foreign country while others disapproved. She’s never afraid to knock some sense into me when needed, whether I’m out of line or over-complicating. She has helped me recognize the importance of this very activity – being o.k. with doing nothing to be grateful in the present moment.
• My grandmother. I was blessed with the opportunity to live with her for nearly two years after college. At 91 years, her wisdom never ceases to amaze. Above all, she’s an exceptional listener. Whatever is on my mind, she lends an ear and it’s obvious that she cares, and that it comes from a place of curiosity and compassion. I hope to be like her some day.
  • New England IPA. Juicy, relatively low ABV, and most importantly, *FROSTY*. Delicious.
  • Mexican Lager. Also delicious. They’re all pretty similar, but equally crisp and refreshing. There’s one in Mexico called Victoria. I think it’s brewed by the same company that brews Corona, but I haven’t seen it in the US. For all I know it could be the exact same beer in a different bottle. It tastes exactly the same but, ya know, better.
• Fresh tortillas. In just every city and village that I stayed in in Mexico, there are convenience stores with the classic little red Coleman coolers on display, without any labels. The first time I opened one, I thought why is this thing giving off heat? So I stuck my hand in to investigate and grabbed a fat stack of hot and fresh tortillas. They say that the first ingredient in Mexican cuisine is corn, followed in a close second by… corn. So, these goodies became the foundation of my diet during my time there. I noticed daily deliveries at the crack of dawn by young men on mopeds containers strapped to the back and old women carrying baskets at their sides or on their heads. I enjoyed everything about it. Watching the locals, eating like the locals, conversing with locals. It just felt like the essence of travel.
• When one door closes, another opens. Having the perspective to see the loss of one opportunity as the acquisition of another. The TIME to try new things – traveling alone in a new country for an extended period of time, volunteering at a local community farm, hundreds of miles on my bike including a ride to Vermont, summiting some incredible climbs in New Hampshire’s White Mountains, and more.
• Coffee!!!
  • Cumbies’ $1 hot or iced. I’m pretty sure I know the location of every single Cumbies in Essex and Middlesex county from thousands of miles on the road covering a territory in a past job. Real New Englanders know that Cumbies is where it’s at.
• Oxxo. This is Mexico’s 711. They are everywhere, and they don’t mess around with their coffee. Each one has a legit Italian espresso machine. Press a single button and you get a delicious double shot of espresso for 29 pesos (~ $1.50).
• Breville Barista Express. Bought it “brand new” from a girl on Craigslist (think it fell off the back of a truck). Something delicious that I look forward to every morning. 
• Billy Strings. An incredible musician and person. He is the definition of cool. First thing he said as he stood on stage in Martha’s Vineyard this past summer? After a long pause… “man, I f***ing love lobster rolls.” He just recently released an album with his once-estranged father featuring their favorite bluegrass covers. Despite fame and fortune, he has his eyes on what matters most and put the past aside to share something new with the world. What a treat. 

The list goes on – it’ll never be finished, and we can add something new everyday. Sometimes we just have to stop and smell the roses.

So what are you grateful for?